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Q&A: Vaginal Lubrication & Penis Girth | Kinsey Confidential

QUESTION: My partner and I recently started having sexual intercourse, and neither one of us are virgins. He has a lot of girth, or circumference, to his penis. I've only been with one other person, so I'm not the right size for him. Another problem is that I'm on a low-estrogen birth control and have difficulties with vaginal lubrication, but he doesn't like to use lube. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for us, and easier for me to get lubricated vaginally?

Love, attraction and sexuality are complex. It can be challenging enough to find a partner who is attractive, smart, interesting, exciting, and compatible in ways that are important to you. To find someone who has all of these qualities, and whose body fits with one’s own, can be an even bigger challenge. Fortunately, human beings are adaptive. We look for ways to make our lives (and our bodies) fit comfortably with that of our partner.

The Pill & Lubrication

Because estrogen is associated with vaginal lubrication, some women do notice a change in their vaginal lubrication when they use a low-dose estrogen birth control pill. Then again, many women notice differences in their vaginal lubrication throughout their menstrual cycle and regardless of whether or not they are using a hormonal method of birth control (like the pill). If you would like to try another type of pill, or another form of birth control, to see if it makes a difference to your vaginal lubrication, ask your healthcare provider about your options.

Enhancing Lubrication

Many women find that they can enhance their ability to become “wet” through vaginal lubrication by spending more time doing the kinds of things that they find sexually arousing prior to attempting vaginal penetration (whether that means sexual intercourse, fingers, or a toy). For many couples, this means spending more time in foreplay—more time spent kissing, touching over and/or under the clothes, breast touching, back massages, or time spent doing things to your partner’s body that you find exciting or arousing. It may also be worth exploring your feelings about this partner, as you didn’t mention how you feel about him (do you like him? Love him? Are you romantically or sexually attracted to him?). It may be worth sitting down and talking with your partner—during a time when you are not about to have sex—and sharing with each other what you each find exciting, arousing and most pleasurable as part of your sexual play.

Understanding Why Lubrication Occurs

When a woman becomes sexually aroused, vaginal lubrication tends to increase and a process called vaginal tenting occurs (whereby the uterus tips upward, making thevagina grow in length and width—allowing more room for your partner’s larger size). It is worth noting that although there is some amount of vaginal expansion that occurs with sexual intercourse experience, the fact that you have limited sexual intercourse experience is not to “blame” in terms of sex being uncomfortable for you two, and your vagina is unlikely to enlarge permanently as a result of having sex with your new partner. The vagina is muscular and tends to return to its typical size internally, even though the vaginal entrance itself may enlarge with sexual experience or other types of experience (such as vaginal birth). Also, as wondrous a process as vaginal tenting may be, there is a limit to the amount of tenting that occurs. A vagina can only grow so much. If your partner’s size is considerable in relation to your body, then a personal lubricant may be necessary in terms of enhancing your pleasure, minimizing discomfort or pain, or simply making intercourse possible at all. That said, lubricants vary considerably in terms of their consistency and it may be that you two might want to try different types of lubricants so that you can find one that feels good for both of you. Some stores and web sites sell lube sampler packs for just this purpose. Learn more about lubricants and other ways of making sex feel more comfortable in Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered-For Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.   Q&A: Vaginal Lubrication & Penis Girth | Kinsey Confidential.  

Don't be afraid to get slobbery!

Wise Guys: What Makes a Great BJ? Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the difference between an average blowjob and an excellent blowjob?” Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had a handful of extraordinary blowjobs in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question: Enthusiasm. You’ve got to enjoy what you do. Vigor. You’ve got to do it like you want to finish the job. Lubrication. You can’t be afraid of a little saliva. Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was no desire behind it. So, if you want to give a guy an excellent blowjob, get into it. There is nothing sexier for me than when the person blowing me is performing enthusiastically and getting turned on while doing so. I understand blowjobs are not everyone’s  cup of tea. So it’s time to play-act a little. Find out what your man likes and go for it full tilt booty. Hopefully you’ll get something equally excellent in return. Oh, and just in case somehow someone missed the memo,  the cardinal rule of blowjobs is NO TEETH. Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): No teeth, and a lot of practice. Problem is, women don’t know how it feels to have your dick sucked, and how it should or shouldn’t be done — and we guys aren’t about to tell them how.  We’re far too grateful to be on the receiving end to interrupt with helpful hints.  We just lay back, relax, and hope it doesn’t grate too much. Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here. via Wise Guys: What Makes a Great BJ? | Em & Lo: Sex. Love. And Everything in Between..