Ganja Vibes Blog

Return to innocence

426770_10151096787147488_796553968_n People always gripe and complain about getting older. It's true getting older can be something of an arduous task. With the proper diet/ nutrition, exercise and fervor for life, getting older doesn't have to look like it used to in the days of cigarettes and booze at every turn, even in the office place. At times libido has been known to suffer from old age or even just mature age. Again, with proper bodily care what's left to overcome is mental blockades which are generally gained over time from negative experiences. Just like a daily skin regimen involving...PRODUCTS...a sexual refinement regimen can be utilized to revamp or RESEX anyones life. The current state of our world, when is comes to sex, has become a wide open playing field. You can fuck who you want, virtually when you want, how you want....if you want?. Enter into any "sex shop" or peruse any online adult novelty store and it's all at your finger tips. Even the leading condom brand, Trojan, has joined the ranks of sex toy manufacturers abound. Right now I can look over to my nightstand and find an amazing array of pleasure products. Yes, I am a sex toy designer and yes I do "research" to find what I think the world needs to spice up their lives and regain that youthful innocence which we all long for once past the age of, now a days roughly 28. It all began with a healthy love of human connection and a wild curiosity of what our bodies are capable of when it comes to pushing the boundaries of winning pleasure. Thanks Charlie Sheen, an orgasm is a grand moment of WINNING! Returning to innocence is something to me that sounds like we would be able and allowed to explore, without judgement or shame, what ever boundaries we think we have with regard to where the human body, the human spirit and the kundalini meet. Since we love to attach products to any action or intent, as we humans do, pleasure products are here and readily available to anyone excited to reawaken that innocence. Think of them as the board games of the bedroom, the princess tiaras and boas of the seduction wonderlust, the racquets and balls of our courts ie where ever you like to "get down". Dusts, gels, lubes, finger paints, pasties, ropes, swings, spankers, powders in all flavors, temperatures, colors and beyond.....it's a wonderland of sensual fun! These are not limited to partner play alone....take your time when breaking down your barriers and returning to your innocence. Play with your products alone to get acquainted. Most insecurity occurs because of discomfort or distrust of self for one reason or another. Be caring and considerate to yourself and your partner. Laugh in the bedroom WITH each other or alone, it's the best way to break the ice. So often I've had partners that never want to separate because I am "in the moment", unafraid and candid. No matter whether there's a slip up.....no, not up the butt!....we aren't talking about that right now...or what would seem to be a mishap while exploring, it's all in fun and for the sake/ in the name of pleasure. So go ahead and HAVE FUN! Don't even hold back if you have the slightest curiosity, go with it and see where your real boundaries lie beyond the pretense. (so many puns I can barely stand it!) Think about it, when you were young and beginning to learn about everything...ANYTHING...NOTHING...it was all OK, because, "you are young". As time and all the media has shown us, no one really grows up. We are all just big ass children roaming around with lots of allowances and responsibilities getting by and making the most of the lives we're given. Use some of that money to invest in your pleasure chest, expand your repertoire while ultimately gaining more satisfaction! http://youtu.be/xsR2-Tpsqqc

What Does Sex Positive Mean

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Question: What Does Sex Positive Mean?
Answer:

The term sex positive has been in use in academic and research writing since at least the mid-1950s (probably much earlier, I've read that Wilhelm Reich was credited with first using the term). In these early references, sex positive was most often used as a synonym for erotophilia. In contemporary usage, the definition of sex positive continues to develop, and no one has made much of an effort to argue for a unified vision of sex positivity.

The term sex positive began to be used with greater frequency during the feminist “sex wars” of the 80s and 90s. At that time it was often used to define oneself in opposition to the anti-pornography feminists. Sex positive was used interchangeably with the term “pro-sex” and it began to include the idea that that sexual expression could be transgressive, that people can attain sexual freedom through the performance of sexual acts and sexual ways of being.

Carol Queen, an author and activist who has long been associated with the term sex positive, and whose 1997 collection Real Live Nude Girl was the first mainstream book to use the term sex positive in its title, defines sex positivity this way:

Sex-positive, a term that's coming into cultural awareness, isn't a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it's a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. "Sex-positive" respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility. Even so, we grow like weeds.”

Hot-man-chocolate

In an article for Planned Parenthood on providing sex positive sex education, Lisa Tobin writes that being sex positive includes:

  • Having a comprehensive definition of sexuality
  • Viewing sexual health as a basic human right
  • Focusing on the life-enhancing aspects of sexuality as well as attention to the negative aspects
  • Being non-judgmental and challenging narrow social constructs
  • Using inclusive language rather than value-laden language which makes assumptions based on sexual orientation or gender stereotypes
  • Assisting individuals to be aware of the choices involved in sexual decisions

The sex educator’s definition of sex positive usually invokes less of the transgressive politics, and focuses more on the positive psychological and physical impact of sexual expression.

While the term sex positive is still used in activist and academic writing, as well as in sexual health and sexology, these days it can most often be found in marketing materials for a wide range of for profit businesses that make money off selling sex in one form or another to the public. In this usage, it has become a short hand for sexual normalization. Thus a "sex positive author" is someone who will make you feel okay about whatever it is they tell you how to do in their book, and a “sex positive sex toy store” will make you feel good about whatever they sell you).

Whether sex positivity will lose its meaning in the face of so much marketing remains to be seen. But as long as there are other organizations (or, say, governments) whose agenda includes restricting sexual rights and expression, the idea of sex positivity remains an important one for all of us to hold on to.

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What Does Sex Positive Mean.

Okay, so, you have to school me on Ganja Vibes. Go!

next-56-ThankYou-2-57090_406x226 Today I made a new friend. It all started when I "liked" a picture and commented with praise of a certain awesome distribution company's move on Facebook.....The response was a "friending" along with the entitled request in a private message. This is my response: I have been a long time advocate of Cannabis and a healthy sex life. After a long romance with both cultures I saw a niche market untapped. Enters "Ganja Vibes", a place where sex and weed combine to help you find your highest highs! I have conceptualized adult novelty designs for Cannabis enthusiasts. The "Mary Jane VibratorTM" is my first product on the manufacturing line. Currently being manufactured in China, eventually I hope the products will one day be "made in America". The "Mary Jane VibratorTM" is a personal massager/ clitoral stimulator. Discrete enough to leave lying around the house, but so well designed that you'll want one for your every day massage use as well as sexual use. It's amazing while being utilized with a partner. The most common response, a loud "I WANT ONE!" The Ganja Vibes adult novelty line will include your basic toys, along with some other wild machinations I have worked out. I have yearned for more creativity and a safe haven (toys that I actually relate to; i.e. my love of Marijuana) while exploring sexuality, pleasure and fun. So I created it. Clitoral Stimulator: The Mary Jane VibratorTM Butt Plug: Under Development Dildo: Under Development Dong: Under Development Fetish Toys: 'Spanker' Under Development Accompaniments: Lube Pasties Sensual Dust Oral enhancer Apparel & Accessories: Shirts Male & Female Hats Panties Online presence: www.ganjavibes.com - This is a blog I started in November of 2011 to test my name. This address will soon become our e-commerce website; the blog will remain a feature. Twitter: @ganja_vibes @maryjanevibe Instagram: @_ganjavibes_ Facebook: www.facebook.com/ganjavibes The facebook page, like the blog, is a musing, entertainment and updates hub. I have been very careful while establishing my trademarks, copyrights and patents, so you will not find any images of the toys soon to be released.
Can a cornucopia of marijuana related sex tools change the minds of many and effect our society as we know it??? - I believe it can!
My goal is to offer these goodies at an affordable cost to all those who love the cultures.
I get phone calls every day from friends and messages from new supporters asking when can they see what's being produced and some even ask where can they buy one, before they even see it. I can not express how much fuel this puts on the huge fires burning....I am GRATEFUL, TREMENDOUSLY APPRECIATIVE AND PUMPED about how excited everyone is to welcome Ganja Vibes on the scene with open arms! THANK YOU!

73453_10151411200559481_1812608192_nMe, Heather B, Founder of Ganja Vibes

Be Kinky, Be High...on life....One Love!

AVN - The Future is Here: Revolutionary New iPorn Launches

Our friends at IPorn have launched and the future is NOW!

The Future is Here: Revolutionary New iPorn Launches

Service offers full iTunes compatibility for adult movies via proprietary technology

The Future is Here: Revolutionary New iPorn Launches
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LOS ANGELES—It's often been said that the adult entertainment industry drives technology. That maxim certainly rang true in the 1980s when porn helped usher in the home video revolution, and it was driven home in the late-'90s and early aughts when porn companies embraced video-on-demand at its inception to bring adult entertainment a brand-new distribution platform.

The adult industry continues to innovate, and perhaps the most progressive product to come down the pike in recent years is the all-new iPorn. Under new ownership, the site aims to do for porn what iTunes did for music.

If you think that's a bold proclamation all you have to do is check out iPorn.com. AVN was privy to an exclusive demo of the site and its game-changing technology, and we were blown away by its user-friendly design, utter ease of use and the proprietary technology "under the hood."

The new iPorn team is backed by Silicon Valley entrepreneurs with past successes in mobile media and content delivery along with a few familiar faces from the adult industry—including AVN Award-winning director Joshua (of skinworXXX and Rock Star Entertainment fame) and Jim Crawford of SoCal Licensing, who will exclusively be handling all content licensing.

iPorn uses proprietary technology to optimize adult content that's purchased via its revolutionary VOD platform. Through its proprietary encoder, iPorn users receive a bit-for-bit version of the movie that's identical to the master—one file is optimized for every platform and device. The technology supports full 1080p high-definition on devices that support it as well as high-bit streaming capabilities. Additionally, the iPorn.com site itself is coded in dynamic HTML 5 in order to give users a custom experience no matter what kind of device they use to access the site.

So what's the big deal? How does this all work for consumers, and what differentiates it from any other VOD site out there? The short answer, and one of the site's biggest selling points, is that no other service with premium adult content offers compatibility with Apple's iOS at the same level or ease of use as iPorn.

Upon purchasing an adult movie from iPorn the user receives a download link via email. Once the movie is downloaded and clicked, it opens in iTunes under the dynamically created genre "XXX," where all other future adult purchases will reside. iTunes treats the file like any other purchase—the box cover and all the adult title's metadata (clickable links to the studio, niche, performers, etc.) is there too, making the experience exactly like purchasing any mainstream movie from the iTunes Store directly. From there, the video is accessible via mobile, tablet or desktop. Users also have the option to rent movies, gaining immediate access to a stream from any device.

On iOS mobile devices iPorn purchases can be accessed through Apple's built-in stock video app on iPhone or iPad just like one would access any other previously purchased video content from iTunes. Users also can access their purchased and synced videos through the optimized iPorn.com site on any mobile device.

The "XXX" genre automatically created by iPorn upon the user's first purchase can be controlled easily through Apple's parental controls. This gives parents the ability to restrict access to their adult content on any device.

“In addition to being optimized across all platforms, the technology and brand being introduced today happens to be the best iOS experience that the adult industry has to offer,” Joshua told AVN. "This is a revolutionary product. It gives you an experience on mobile devices, especially iOS, unlike anything you have experienced."

Most of the influential U.S. and European studios currently are vying for prime placement on the platform. Joshua said he expects iPorn to launch with more than 1,000 titles that the user can either purchase to own or stream—all movies on the service will be available for either downloading or streaming, and users can even download or stream individual scenes too.

"One file will play on every single mobile and tablet platform, as well as Mac, PC, Apple TV, Google TV, Roku—you name it," Joshua said. "This is the technology and the site that both fans and producers people have been waiting for for years. You get Blu-ray quality, dot-for-dot pixel accuracy to the master, at a file size that's excellent for downloading or streaming. iPorn is the future of our business, and I think a way to save our business as well."

Joshua said that he expects iPorn Beta to launch soon, with a full launch slated for spring.

For business inquiries, email partnerships@iPorn.com. For media inquiries, email media@iPorn.com.

AVN - The Future is Here: Revolutionary New iPorn Launches.

The great porn experiment...

http://youtu.be/wSF82AwSDiU

Your Brain On Sex | Reuniting

Let’s look at what goes on in the brain during sex and orgasm. Although you may think everything happens between your legs, the experience of orgasm actually occurs between your ears. All thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations you have correlate with specific nerve cells being activated. Orgasm, like all experiences, is brought about by electric impulses flowing along paths of connected nerve cells. Orgasm happens when specific pleasure pathways are turned on, while your defense pathways are turned off.

All this happens by means of chemical messengers and the nerve cell receptors they bind to. These neurochemical changes take place primarily in the limbic system, a very old part of the brain with circuitry that is common to all mammals. These ancient limbic circuits control almost all bodily functions.

The limbic system's job is to keep you alive and reproducing. It does this by avoiding pain and repeating what is pleasurable. The limbic system is the seat of emotions, drives, impulses and desires – including sexual ones. It’s where you fall in and out of love…or lust. Due to the nature of the limbic system, you cannot will your feelings, emotions, falling in love, or staying in love, anymore than you can will your heart to beat, or yourself to digest a meal or sleep. The limbic system has been around for well over 100,000,000 years, lurking right beneath your large, rational neo-cortex.

Rats, apes and humans use the same neurochemicals to operate the same functions in this part of the brain. Keep in mind that scientists aren't studying rodent brains to help them with their addictions and erections! Studying animals and humans, scientists have begun to unravel the neurochemistry of lust, attachment and falling in love. Falling in love involves simultaneous activation and deactivation of discrete parts of the limbic system. For every biological event in your body, there is a biological cause. In this case, the cause is neurochemicals—and the pathways they turn on and off.

Neurochemical Commands: Your World Revolves Around Dopamine

brain's reward circuitryThe central neurochemical player behind falling in—and out—of love is dopamine. Dopamine is the principal neurochemical that activates your reward circuitry, the centerpiece of the limbic system. Your reward circuitry drives nearly all of your behaviors. In other words, most all roads lead to Rome, or to the reward circuitry, so you can assess things as "good, bad, or indifferent."

At its most basic, this circuit is activated when you engage in activities that further your survival, or the continuation of your genes. Whether it’s sex, eating, taking risks, achieving goals, or drinking water, all increase dopamine, and dopamine turns on your reward circuitry. You can think of dopamine as the "Gotta have it!" neurochemical, whatever "it" is. It’s the "craving" signal. The more dopamine you release and the more your reward circuit is activated, the more you want or crave something.

A good example is food. We get a much bigger blast of dopamine eating high-calorie foods than we do low-calorie foods. It’s why we choose chocolate cake over Brussels sprouts. Our reward circuit is programmed so that "calories equal survival." cake sliceYou’re not actually craving ice cream, or a winning lotto ticket, or even a romp in the sack. You’re craving the dopamine that is released with these activities. Dopamine is your major motivation, not the item or activity.

Dopamine is not the only neurochemical involved with reward, but it’s the one that motivates you to go afterthe reward. Dopamine governs the feelings of wanting, yet the experience of liking or enjoying something is probably due to opioids. Opioids are your brain's own morphine and endorphins. Dopamine drives us toward eating or orgasm, but the experience of the actual orgasm or eating chocolate arises from opioids goosing the reward circuit. In essence, dopamine is never satisfied.

Addiction mechanisms are extraordinarily complex, and not fully understood. Yet the one aspect they share is dopaminedysregulation. All addictive substances and activities share one thing – the ability to strongly elevate dopamine levels. Watching porn, accumulating money, gaining power over others, gambling, compulsive shopping, video games…if something really boostsyour dopamine, then it’s potentially addictive for you. Why did Martha Stewart risk everything for more money? She got a thrill from a stock market gamble. She didn’t need the money; she (thought she) needed the dopamine.

Addictive highs mimic the good feelings of the basic activities for which we're actually wired...by hijacking our reward circuitry. Only a few substances (alcohol, cocaine, etc.) have the ability jack up dopamine – that’s why they are addictive. We can also hijack it with extremely stimulating versions of natural behaviors: casinos with hot hostesses, novel porn at every click, tasty junk food filled with fat and sugar, and so forth. Dopamine especially responds to novelty and the unexpected, among natural stimuli.

Don't fall into labeling dopamine as bad. There's no such thing as a bad neurochemical or hormone, although either can become a problem when out of balance. Dopamine is absolutely necessary for your decision-making, happiness, and survival. Yet when it’s too low or too high (or when changes in its receptors alter your sensitivity), it can cause real problems. If you look at this chart you can see some behaviors and conditions associated with dopamine levels or with sensitivity to dopamine. Sensitivity equates with how many receptors a nerve cell has for dopamine.

It's true that some of the conditions listed are at extreme ends of the dopamine spectrum. Nonetheless, dopamine is involved with many aspects of mood, behavior, and perception. Even small shifts in dopamine sensitivity or levels can have profound effects on how you see the world, or your partner.

The key word on the list below is bonding. Bonding is more than a behavior. It is a mammalian program, the program that permits parenting and living in groups. When dopamine drops, you are likely to find your partner less rewarding—and your bond unravels.

Dopamine Levels (or altered sensitivity to dopamine)

Excess Deficient "Normal"
Addictions Addictions Healthy bonding
Compulsions Depression Feelings of well-being, satisfaction
Mania Anhedonia—no pleasure, world looks colorless Pleasure, reward in accomplishing tasks
Sexual fetishes Lack of ambition and drive Healthy libido
Sexual addiction Inability to bond Good feelings toward others
Unhealthy risk-taking Low libido Motivated
Aggression Erectile dysfunction Healthy risk taking
Psychosis Social anxiety disorder Sound choices
Schizophrenia ADHD or ADD Realistic expectations
Sleep disturbances, "restless legs" Parent/child bonding
Contentment with "little" things

The power of dopamine and our reward circuitry are seen in classic experiments done on rats. Consider what happens when sadistic scientists put a starving rat on one side of a grid with electric current running through it and food on the other side. The rat will not cross the pain-producing grid. Yet put a rat with an electrode planted in her reward circuitry on one side of the grid and a lever she knows will stimulate her reward circuitry on the other, and she’ll dash across the grid to tap that lever nonstop. Stimulation of her reward circuitry becomes her top priority, because it’s telling her inner compass that a big reward is just around the corner. She will ignore food, even if starving, or abandon her unweaned pups just to tap that lever until she drops.

If the rat is male, he’ll ignore a receptive female to tap it until he drops. Humans implanted with similar electrodes (decades ago) experienced a constant urge to tap their levers, as well as intense sexual arousal—but not pleasure or orgasm itself. They also reported an undercurrent of anxiety.

Despite the obvious differences between rats and humans, rats have been called "guiding flashlights" for understanding the primitive mechanisms of our own brain.

Sexually-satiated male rats take up to fifteen days to recover their full desire for sex (although they can get it up long before they are back to full steam). Meanwhile, even if they're feeling sexually sluggish, there is a reliable way to jump-start them, which we’ll get to in a moment. (Female rats also show evidence of a similar cycle in the form of predictable surges of prolactin after vigorous copulation, whether or not they become pregnant. A shadow version of this prolactin cycle has now been detected in women, and may be connected with post-sex mood swings in some women.)

Research also shows that male rats experience a reduction in testosterone receptors for up to a week within their reward circuitry. Hormones and neurochemicals dock with receptors on the nerve cells. In this case, fewer receptors mean less sensitivity to circulating testosterone. The result is that the reward circuitry pumps out less dopamine. It's like the reward circuitry's batteries are low. If this happens in females, it would also reduce their sexual desire.

Low testosterone (or decreased sensitivity to it) is associated with irritability and anger. Serotonin and endorphin levels also rise in the reward circuitry of sexually-satiated rats. Most of us have heard that these are "happy neurochemicals," but in this part of the limbic system both function to put on the brakes instead of just producing warm, fuzzy feelings.  Keep in mind that sexual dysfunction is a major side effect of taking either antidepressants that raise serotonin ornarcotics that mimic endorphins. When neurochemicals dampen your reward circuitry for a time, your relationship can suffer. See The Passion Cycle for an overview of this neurochemical cycle, and for more recent research see Men: Does Frequent Ejaculation Cause A Hangover? and Women: Does Orgasm Give You a Hangover?

Dopamine and the Coolidge Effect

Humans, like virtually all mammals, are not naturally monogamous (as in sexually exclusive), although many individuals are. This may not sound very romantic, but no mammals are sexually exclusive. (A few, such as humans, are "socially monogamous." That is, they typically  raise their offspring together.) It is therefore likely that our mating neurochemistry is set up to accomplish two goals. It encourages bonding so we co-parent.

Yet there is also a conflicting program to push us out of those bonds—at least far enough to add a novel mate. From chimps to rats, the same neurochemical events drive mammalian behaviors, and they are driving them to be promiscuous. Is it likely that Mr. and Mrs. Rodent are growing apart in their relationship? Could the excitement be gone from their marriage? Perhaps Mrs. Chimp spends too much money, or nags too much. Maybe Mr. Chimp watches too much football or doesn’t help much with housework. Not likely. Just like us, they have a subconscious program, triggered by mating, found in their limbic systems, which biology uses to urge them tire of their mates and move on to new mates.

During the week or two that the hangover from orgasm lingers, our large, rational brain proposes logical reasons to explain our relationship disharmony. Orgasm is natural…absolutely. But it may also be natural for both men and women to sour on a mate, to suddenly find a spouse unattractive, irritating, and wholly unreasonable. It may even be natural to become wholly unreasonable, and thus hasten the departure of a mate.

Now, we know that all of you are wondering about that sure-fire way to jump-start male rats' flagging libido. Perhaps you can already guess. All you have to do is introduce a new, receptive female. That may not be the answer you were hoping for…or perhaps it was!

Have you ever heard of the "Coolidge Effect?" Because that’s what we're addressing. Scientists have discovered that—after a frenzy of copulation—a male rat will lose interest in a female. BUT should a new female show up, he’ll perk up long enough to service her.1

This process of presenting novel mates to males can be continued until they practically die of exhaustion—once again proving that biology doesn’t give a rat’s…hindquarters about anything but propelling genes into the future.

The Coolidge Effect has been observed in every species tested, and not just in males. Lady rodents prefer to seduce new guys, too. The Coolidge Effect just might play a role in human affairs as well. Marnia once talked with a man who had stopped counting at 350 lovers. He said, "I really don’t understand it. I lost interest in all of them sexually so quickly—and some of those women are really beautiful, too."brussel sprouts

The Coolidge Effect is linked to your post-orgasm hangover. The reason the rat loses interest is that he’s getting a weaker and weaker dopamine surge from Partner No. 1. No dopamine surge, no interest. She is not perceived as "rewarding." The same thing happens to humans. The thrill is gone, and Partner No. 1 looks like Brussels sprouts. Now you’re primed for anything that will jack up your dopamine again. Partner No. 2 appears, and your dopamine soars. As if by magic, your blues are gone, and you have that heady feeling of anticipation, that sense of uninhibited aliveness. In short, No. 2 looks like chocolate cake. (This also has implications for understanding today's binging on Internet porn.)

Assuming we don't learn how to steer for lasting bonds by taming our limbic system, our reward circuitry will push us to do just what it evolved to do (once our temporary honeymoon neurochemistry wears off). We'll get less and less dopamine "reward" during sex with our current mate. Notice that this is similar to what occurs when people use drugs, play intense video games, binge on Internet porn, or gamble. They seek more and more stimulation to get the same high. In short, feelings of sexual satiety do not promote romance—which calls into question a lot of today's relationship advice about producing bigger, better and more frequent orgasms.

The truth has been recognized for thousands of years. Here's a poem from the ancient Greek Anthology.

Once plighted, no men would go whoring.

They'd stay with the one they adore,

If women were half as alluring

After the act as before.

Back to our tale. What if No. 2 doesn’t show up for your tryst, and you’re left in the doldrums? Unlike rats, you have many dopamine-raising possibilities—from Internet porn, gambling and alcohol, to the dopamine agonists drug companies are producing to light a fire under slumbering libidos (not recommended, due to risky side effects). These "fixes" make you feel better briefly, but as far as your well-being goes, they are like eating junk food—a net loss. As biologist Robert Sapolsky observed, there is a price for blasting our reward circuitry too enthusiastically in our efforts to counter the blues.

Unnaturally strong explosions of synthetic experience and sensation and pleasure evoke unnaturally strong degrees of habituation.... Our tragedy is that we just become hungrier." In short, there are advantages to steering for equilibrium initially, rather than always reaching for more stimulation to cope.

Your limbic system is not equipped to understand that there can be too much of a good thing. It just keeps rewarding you to do the same unrewarding things because they register as things that once served your ancestors. A "fix" just positions you for a continuous addictive cycle of highs, more lows, and a search for more highs. Many of us spend much of our sex lives caught in this cycle—with no obvious way out.

The Power of Equilibrium

happy coupleWe have talked about how roller coaster levels of dopamine can break couples apart, but there’s also something holding couples together. The neurochemical that binds couples together is oxytocin, the "cuddle hormone" or "bonding hormone." Without it, we could not stay in love. Falling in love is associated with a soup of neurochemicals—like adrenaline, which makes your heart race, and, as we have mentioned, dopamine, which makes you crave your beloved, and low serotonin, which can make you obsessed with someone. But the heartwarming, loving, "gushy" aspects of love are probably due to oxytocin.

Oxytocin has various functions in the body, such as inducing labor contractions and milk ejection, but from evolutionary biology’s perspective, its main behavioral function is to bond us to our children for life. It also serves to bond us to our mate…at least long enough to fall in love with our child so that it has two caregivers for its long childhood and adolescence. Friendships are also built on oxytocin, and can be quite deep bonds.

Yet, what happens to friendships that turn into sexual relationships? Often things change for the worse. When Harry Met SallyThis change is an excellent example of the post-sexual satiation neurochemical shift, or hangover, kicking in. Oxytocin and dopamine are the yin and yang of bonding and love. Dopamine furnishes the kick, oxytocin makes a particular mate appealing, in part by triggering feelings of comfort. You need both acting on the reward circuitry at ideal levels to stay in love. In experiments, if scientists block either oxytocin or dopamine, mothers will ignore their pups.

There's evidence that these two neurochemicals stimulate each other's release, so if one is low, it affects levels of the other. As sexual satiation plays havoc with dopamine, lovers can end up with a double-whammy effect on their precious emotional bonds. Low dopamine (or dopamine receptors) alone interferes with feelings of love, and it may reduce oxytocin levels or the brain's sensitivity to oxytocin. As things go sour, something interferes with oxytocin's bonding effects. It's likely that it's (temporary) low dopamine, or reduced sensitivity to it.

The good news is that making love while avoiding sexual satiation is the loophole in biology’s plan for our love lives. This is the secret that the ancient sacred-sexuality sages stumbled upon. Making love with lots of affection, without the dopamine-driven highs and lows of conventional sex, seems to keep neurochemical levels balanced.

There's some evidence that the more oxytocin you produce, the more receptive to it key nerve cells become. This is the opposite of dopamine. In addicts, dopamine receptors start to decrease as the nerve cells protect themselves from overstimulation. Addicts then need more and more of a drug (more and more dopamine). Luckily you don’t need an ever-increasing "fix" of oxytocin to maintain the sparkle in your romance. Daily bonding behaviors can make your partner look better and better—at least to you. This is why daily affection, with less orgasm, can strengthen your bond with your mate.

Oxytocin is associated with significant benefits, both emotionally and physically. In fact, oxytocin may be the answer to the question, "What is the mechanism by which love and affection positively affect our health?" Consider the following research:

  • Oxytocin reduces cravings. When scientists administered it to rodents who were addicted to cocaine, morphine, or heroin, the rats opted for less drugs, or showed fewer symptoms of withdrawal. (Kovacs, 1998 )
  • Oxytocin calms. A single rat injected with oxytocin has a calming effect on a cage full of anxious rats. (Agren, 2002)
  • This quality of oxytocin explains why companionship can increase longevity—even among those who are HIV positive (Young, 2004). dopamine high, followed by hangoverOr speed recovery: wounded hamsters heal twice as fast when they are paired with a sibling, rather than left in isolation (DeVries, 2004).
  • It may also explain why, among various species of primates, care-giving parents (whether male or female) live significantly longer. (Cal Tech, 1998 )
  • Oxytocin appears be a major reason that SSRI’s [Prozac-type drugs] ease depression, perhaps because high levels of cortisol are the chief culprits in depression and anxiety disorders. (Oxytocin counteracts cortisol's effects.) (Uvnas-Moberg, 1999)
  • Oxytocin increases sexual receptivity and counteracts impotence, which may be one reason why this other way of making love remains pleasurable. (Pedersen, C.A., 2002), (Arletti, 1997)

Sure enough, scientists are finally beginning to find the connections between oxytocin, regular affection and successful, long-term pair bonds:

However, do not think that spraying oxytocin up your nose, or taking sublingual tabs will in any way reproduce the bonding benefits described here and elsewhere. These effects only occur when precise amounts are released in very specific brain structures. Flooding the blood and brain with oxytocin will cause unwanted side effects and may produce counterproductive mood and perception shifts.

Again, oxytocin reduces cravings and increases sexual receptivity. This allows making love without orgasm to be surprisingly satisfying. The affection is always there, flowing between you and your partner. When we tiptoe around dopamine’s highs and lows, we encourage balance and clear perception of each other. We see each other as sources of safety and pleasure, not as sources of recurring stress with brief moments of sexual pleasure. The real magic of love happens at a neurochemical level—and we can choose balance in order to foil the extremes of our genes' plans for us.

If you would like to learn more about a way to make love that sidesteps humanity's built-in separation mechanism and makes the most of attachment (oxytocin) visit Karezza Korner.

For more on the effects of today's hyperstimulating Internet porn on the brain visit Your Brain On Porn.

  • 1.Oxytocin rises in rats' brains for hours after mating. It appears to make them engage in riskier-than-normal behavior—perhaps so that they seek new mates. (Unlike humans, they are not pair bonders.)
via Your Brain On Sex | Reuniting.  
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